God and the outlaw biker

April 24, 2006

By Howard Walzer

If I had to think about it, the hardest concept for me to contend with as a 60-year-old outlaw biker addicted to drugs, alcohol and women was that I could be forgiven. The way my mind worked, you had to be good to go to heaven.

Jesus said in Matthew 5:3, “You’re blessed when you’re at the end of your rope. With less of you there is more of God and his rule” (The Message). I was not aware of this Scripture, or any other as a matter of fact. So I had no idea that I was blessed when I finally came to the end of my rope.

After many years of dealing drugs for a living and dodging the police at every corner, the world I created fell apart. The wealth I had amassed quickly disappeared, as did my wife of 22 years. I was broke, homeless and alone. “Serves you right,” you might say. You would be right. But I was about to learn that God wanted to bless me in spite of what I deserved.

I was 59 years old without a single friend. I didn’t care whether I lived or died. I buried my pain and loneliness in drugs and alcohol and women. In the midst of that downward spiral, I had a heart attack and was rushed to the hospital.

The look on the doctors’ faces said I was going to die. That’s exactly what I wanted. After three days in intensive care, against doctors’ orders, I signed myself out of the hospital. I immediately looked for my next hit of drugs and lost no time getting whacked out on methamphetamine.

But God had other plans. In my despair, I asked Him to prove He was there. I found myself walking down the street alone and penniless. But suddenly God placed His peace in my heart and I began to smile. I was totally at peace with no other way to explain it except through the grace of God.

I knew God existed, but I still didn’t know anything about Him. He had given me peace and had taken away my 40-year drug addiction. But I suddenly needed to know what He wanted in return.

God led me to a kind, crippled man who took me into his home. This man had faced discouragement like mine. He had tried to kill himself by driving his car off of a cliff. Somehow he survived.

His home was in the Arizona desert. I found myself sitting on this man’s front porch day after day just staring into the desert. One day, it suddenly became so clear to me. God had created an incredible world and man had somehow messed it all up. That revelation eventually enabled me to come to Jesus Christ. As Christ took hold of my life, the black hole I had carried in my heart all of my life was gone. Jesus filled it with His love.

Christ has helped me to lay to rest my old self and to take up my cross and follow Him. I now know that God has a wonderful plan for me, even this late in my life, and I’m going to spend the rest of my days fulfilling His purpose.

Howard Walzer attends First Assembly of God in Dolan Springs, Ariz. (James Trask, pastor).